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Barry Goldstein: Extreme Custody Decisions That Risk Lives

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From the Time’s Up Blog, another very informative article by Barry Goldstein:

EXTREME CUSTODY DECISIONS THAT RISK LIVES

By Barry Goldstein

 

Dear Custody Court Judge:

The research is now clear that certain extreme decisions in domestic violence custody cases that have become all too common are contributing to an increase in the frequency of domestic violence homicide and other harmful consequences. This is established in the leading resources about domestic violence and custody including THE BATTERER AS PARENT by Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY edited by Mo Therese Hannah and Barry Goldstein and the major new Department of Justice study led by Dr. Daniel Saunders of the University of Michigan. Judges should be aware of the research that demonstrates the danger of creating these dangerous decisions avoid these decisions in the future and modify existing arrangements that create substantial risks to the children.

The decisions that must be avoided and corrected are ones in which an alleged abuser is given custody and a safe, protective mother is limited to supervised or no visitation. I will more fully describe these dangerous cases below and I am not saying it can never be right to give someone custody who was accused of domestic violence or child abuse or that a mother who makes abuse allegations should never be denied normal visitation.

I will discuss the harm and danger of these extreme decisions below, but judges should be aware that these decisions are probably the largest factor in the recent increase in domestic violence homicide. Furthermore these extreme decisions are never in the best interests of children even when the court is right that the abuse allegations are false and the mother seeks to take the father out of the child’s life for bad faith reasons. More commonly, the research demonstrates that court professionals who used flawed practices to justify the extreme decision also got the underlying facts wrong. Judges should look to the specialized body of research now available that can help courts make the best decisions in domestic violence custody cases.

Description of Extreme Cases

The extreme cases I am speaking about include evidence or at least allegations of domestic violence or child abuse. It is not limited to cases in which the allegations are confirmed or believed. The research establishes that courts fail to recognize valid complaints about domestic violence and child abuse with frightening frequency because of the outdated and discredited practices that continue to be used in domestic violence custody cases despite the scientific research now available. Furthermore, even when courts reject abuse allegations because of inadequate proof or in rare cases in which mothers make deliberately false allegations, courts have a tendency to punish mothers in ways that are harmful to the children.
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Written by mothersoflostchildren

July 21, 2011 at 2:47 am

Other States are Starting to Realize the Full Impact of Domestic Violence, Indiana Needs to Also

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This is from another friend and fellow advocate Dara Carlin from Hawaii. Sorry for the short notice, but this is happening today. It will be televised at 5:35 pm Eastern Daylight Time today, and you can watch it on the internet at the link below. Many Indiana state legislators fail to realize the full impact of domestic violence in this state, including courts giving child custody to abusers. We need to have an event like this also in Indiana.

 

 

Media AdvisoryHawaii House of Representatives

June 20, 2011 – For Immediate Release

Contact: Office of Rep. John Mizuno, Telephone: 808-586-6050, Cell: 808-741-0639

 

LAWMAKERS TO HOLD BRIEFING ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HEAR CONCERNS FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVORS AND DISCUSS THE NEED FOR POLICY CHANGE

 

Several domestic violence survivors will share their story of how they lost custody of their child(ren) to the abuser, even after a finding of domestic violence by the abuser

 

WHAT:            The House Human Services Chairman, Rep. John Mizuno, will hold a legislative briefing to address domestic violence in Hawaii.  Rep. Mizuno will identify certain concerns involving specific failures of the current “system” in adequately addressing domestic violence.  Rep. Mizuno will also be hearing from domestic violence victims, survivor advocates, and agencies working directly with domestic violence victims, issuing protective orders and temporary restraining orders.

The briefing will:

• Identify and address concerns regarding domestic violence in Hawaii

• Explain the reason for the various bills which seek to provide greater protection for domestic violence victims

• Explain the difficulties in passing measures which seek to improve the state’s system in handling domestic violence cases

WHEN:            Tuesday, June 21, 2011 – 11:35 a.m. Hawaii Standard Time (Televised in Hawaii on Ch. 53, for Neighbor Island residents and nationwide go to the internet www.olelo.org – click NATV Ch. 53 for online live stream coverage)

WHERE:           Hawaii State Capitol, Room 329

WHY:               Rep. Mizuno was contacted by several survivors of domestic violence who will be sharing their stories with lawmakers during the briefing. According to Rep. Mizuno, “It is extremely concerning to hear that time after time the abusers who beat our victims, many times end up gaining custody of the children.  Based on our victims’ testimonies and information provided by organizations and advocates for domestic violence victims, I believe our current system has many major flaws in properly addressing domestic violence issues.  Therefore, I am looking for solid solutions to better address domestic violence statewide at the conclusion of this briefing.”

Why Won’t the White House or the U.S. Department of Justice DO SOMETHING?

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As we prepare for ANOTHER vigil in Washington D.C., again we are seemingly getting no acknowledgement about the severe plight that mothers and children are faced with.  Why don’t these folks come out and talk to the mothers who are going though this?  Why are mothers left wondering what is going to be done? 

Do they even know what is going on…really know what’s going on? 

Why don’t they do something? 

I wondered this as a child victim of family court, placed with my mother’s abuser (my father).  I wonder about this as an abused mother, who hasn’t seen her children in several years now.  Why are they handing all this help to fathers (through Fatherhood Initiative grants from HHS), and not helping mothers in the same boat?  Not to mention looking the other way on the actual criminal aspect of it.  Why not come out of that big white house on Sunday evening and tell us why.

Sex Offenders Reveal Sick Secrets: Will it Matter to Family Court Judges in Indiana?

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Whenever a child or a mother reports child sexual abuse in Indiana, if there is a child custody case involved, it will be systematically ignored.  By everyone.  Not too long ago in a case in Marion County, someone from Carl Brizzi’s Prosecutors Office said they believed the evidence of sexual abuse against a young girl by her father, but said they wouldn’t do anything about it since it was in family court.

An employee for the Marion County Prosecutor’s office, who has to remain anonymous, believes Kay’s story is legitimate, but could not take action due to the custody dispute.

WTF?

From WRTV-6:

MUNCIE, Ind. — A handful of convicted sex offenders spoke frankly to 100 strangers Wednesday night in Muncie, with no questions off limits. The workshop was a first-of-its-kind event put on by the Family Services Society to prevent future abuse, 6News’ Tanya Spencer reported.

As offenders spoke candidly about the crimes that put them in jail, two of the panelists said they assaulted young girls they had just met. One abused his own daughter and another was a church mentor.

The offenders talked about how they justified their actions in their minds.  “I moan and gripe and complain about the children that are wearing pants that’s got “sexy” (written) on the back. Why do you want to put a word on your 12-, 14- or 16-year-old daughter’s butt? I mean, is that not trying to draw attention to her?” said one sex offender, who met his teenage victim online. He blamed pornography for fueling his addiction to sex.

All of the panelists agreed that they thought only of their own gratification during their crimes, never about the effect on their victims.  Parents came to the workshop looking for answers.  “(I want) to see how these folks operate and get insight to see where I can stand to protect my own children,” said Dwight Martin, a father of a 5-year-old.”  (I wanted) to make sure that I know what to look for to keep my kids safe,” said Brandy Martin, Dwight’s wife.”

I have three little children. I have a 4-year-old, a 1-year-old and a 3-month-old. That’s my worst fear ever is that something awful like that could happen to them,” said parent Sandrina Saintignon.

Counselors with the Family Services Society said unfortunately there’s no known set of characteristics or personality traits that will help parents identify an offender. They also said that 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by someone the victim knows and trusts.

The best advice from those who know best how to lure young victims is to talk to and listen to kids.  Let them know they’re loved unconditionally and that they can share anything with you.  Also, pay close attention to any change in their behavior.

“It (the sexual abuse) changed how she (his 13-year-old daughter) acted towards me,” said one offender, “So, if you see a change toward a family member or friend, pay attention to it. Ask questions.

“Experts said one in three girls and one in six boys will be molested in their lifetime.Experts also said 88 percent of sexual abuse cases are never reported.  The Family Services Society has done panels like Wednesday’s before for small groups, but this was the first that was open to the public.  Event organizers said they may offer more sessions in the future.

Need Legal Help? Ask a Lawyer for Free Coming Up Soon

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Here is another great opportunity to get some legal questions answered. For further questions, please visit the Indianapolis Bar Association’s website. (The information shows the year as 2010, so I have updated it with the new information below).

Do you need free legal help? You can meet with an attorney to ask basic legal questions at the Indianapolis Bar Association’s Ask A Lawyer event. Free legal advice will be provided by qualified, licensed attorneys as a service to our community. This one-day community event is sponsored by the Indianapolis Bar Association and the Indianapolis Bar Foundation, in cooperation with the Indianapolis-Marion County Public Library and Indianapolis Public Schools.

Upcoming Ask a Lawyer Dates

Tuesday, April 12, 2011, 2 p.m. – 6 p.m.

Members of the Indianapolis Bar Association will be available for FREE one-on-one consultations at the following locations:

Brightwood Library, 2435 N. Sherman Dr.

Central Library, 40 E. St. Clair St.

College Library, 4180 N. College Ave.

East 38th Street Library, 5420 E. 38th St.

East Washington Library, 2822 E. Washington St.

Haughville Library, 2121 W. Michigan St.

Nora Library, 8625 Guilford Ave.

Pike Library, 6525 Zionsville Rd.

Shelby Library, 2502 Shelby St.

Southport Library, 2630 E. Stop 11 Road

If you are unable to visit these locations, please call the Indianapolis Bar Association at (317) 269-2000 between 2 p.m. and 8 p.m., on April 12 to talk to an attorney.

Join the Mothers of Lost Children in Silent Vigil at the White House on Mothers Day

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UPDATE: New hours for the Vigil to be held on Mothers Day, May 8th, 2011.  There will be a speakout scheduled to start at 6:00 pm in front of the White House.  This will be followed by circling the White House, going down 17th St. over to Constitution Ave. then up 15th St. until we return to the front of the White House.  This will be what we did last year, but just continues the journey completely around the White House complex.  A candlelight vigil will then begin, being held until 9:30 pm.  Bring your signs, banners, and candles (battery operated if possible).  We will have a few to hand out, and will have some “Mothers of Lost Children” t-shirts also.  If you have any questions, please email “mothersoflostchildren@gmail.com”.   Contact phone number is (317) 455-5827.  This change will hopefully allow this vigil to happen without any problems.  So in summary:

6:00 – 7:00 pm  Speakout for the mothers/guests

7:00 – 7:45 pm   March by the Mothers of Lost Children around the White House (down 17th St., over on Constitution Ave., and up 15th St. to return to front of White House)

7:45 – 9:30 pm   Candlelight vigil for the children lost to abusers

A protest is still being worked out for the front of the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services for Monday, May 9th.  Stay tuned for more information coming on that.  Thank you and we hope to see you there!

Protest held on February 14th, 2011, at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, before they threatened to have us arrested.

We are going to be at the White House again on Mothers Day, to protest the use of taxpayer funds to support fatherhood initiative programs, which have been effective in helping abusive fathers in taking custody of children away from their victims.   Extra accommodations have been secured at the hostel we usually stay at for these events, which have been going on about three times a year, so if you can’t find a place to stay, email mothersoflostchildren@gmail.com about this.  This is a clean, safe place to stay and costs only $38.00 a night (breakfast included!).

Some of the organizations taking part and supporting the Silent Vigil include Mothers of Lost Children Chapters in California, Indiana and Delaware, the California Protective Parents Association, the Center for Judicial Excellence, the National Organization for Women, and the Battered Mothers Custody Conference. Many other organizations are also included.  If you cannot attend the event in Washington, D.C. on Mothers Day, something will be planned in Indiana that you can attend.  Other states will be holding similar events, and Ms. Hodge will be coordinating a lot of these as she has publicity contacts nationwide.

So stay tuned for more information…hope you can attend this year’s event!  Last year was very successful in many ways.  There were hundreds of mothers in vigil.  It needs to continue until the practice of giving abusers custody of children stops.

Mothers of Lost Children Silent Vigil from Mothers Day, 2010

Please Join Us For Another Rally in Washington D.C., February 13th and 14th

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Less than two weeks to go!  Remember, there is a meeting the evening of the 13th at the hostel where many are staying.  For information on the hostel…click here.