Mothers Of Lost Children – Indiana

Support for Noncustodial Indiana Moms

Barry Goldstein: Why Don’t We End Domestic Violence?

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This post comes from my friend and fellow advocate Barry Goldstein, and was originally post on the Time’s Up blog.  This addresses the real concern of domestic violence and it’s lack of attention and even condoning of it when it is brought up during child custody proceedings.

Why Don’t We End Domestic Violence?

By Barry Goldstein

Society has the knowledge and ability to prevent a large majority of domestic violence crimes and especially murders. It is not like cancer or heart disease which would require some fundamental changes in human behavior to achieve massive reductions. We could easily put together a change in laws, policies and practices and quickly end the danger of domestic violence for most women and children. If we could as readily prevent most of the deaths from earthquakes, tornados, cancer or terror attacks, we would not hesitate to do so. Why should we continue to tolerate the enormous harm caused by abusers? Many of our leaders have spoken of and dreamed of a world without domestic violence. This is a worthy goal, but I am not naïve enough to believe we can end all domestic violence in our lifetimes. We can, however create a massive reduction in domestic violence crimes. I say let’s do it.

Background

Our publisher asked Mo Hannah and I to prepare a second volume of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. I decided to write a chapter for the book of a modern tale of two cities comparing Quincy, Massachusetts with Poughkeepsie, New York. I selected Quincy, Massachusetts because they had developed the Quincy Model which had resulted in a drastic reduction of domestic violence homicide. I selected Poughkeepsie, New York because they had been severely criticized for using approaches in custody court that strongly favored abusive fathers. The court system and particularly the judges reacted to the criticism in a defensive and retaliatory manner. Dutchess County has now had a series of domestic violence homicides including the last crime in which the abusive father also killed a police officer. The County Legislature created a committee to study and respond to the series of domestic violence homicides and I am interested to see if they make a connection between the murders and the pattern of mistreatment of protective mothers in the custody court system.
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Why Won’t the White House or the U.S. Department of Justice DO SOMETHING?

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As we prepare for ANOTHER vigil in Washington D.C., again we are seemingly getting no acknowledgement about the severe plight that mothers and children are faced with.  Why don’t these folks come out and talk to the mothers who are going though this?  Why are mothers left wondering what is going to be done? 

Do they even know what is going on…really know what’s going on? 

Why don’t they do something? 

I wondered this as a child victim of family court, placed with my mother’s abuser (my father).  I wonder about this as an abused mother, who hasn’t seen her children in several years now.  Why are they handing all this help to fathers (through Fatherhood Initiative grants from HHS), and not helping mothers in the same boat?  Not to mention looking the other way on the actual criminal aspect of it.  Why not come out of that big white house on Sunday evening and tell us why.

Sex Offenders Reveal Sick Secrets: Will it Matter to Family Court Judges in Indiana?

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Whenever a child or a mother reports child sexual abuse in Indiana, if there is a child custody case involved, it will be systematically ignored.  By everyone.  Not too long ago in a case in Marion County, someone from Carl Brizzi’s Prosecutors Office said they believed the evidence of sexual abuse against a young girl by her father, but said they wouldn’t do anything about it since it was in family court.

An employee for the Marion County Prosecutor’s office, who has to remain anonymous, believes Kay’s story is legitimate, but could not take action due to the custody dispute.

WTF?

From WRTV-6:

MUNCIE, Ind. — A handful of convicted sex offenders spoke frankly to 100 strangers Wednesday night in Muncie, with no questions off limits. The workshop was a first-of-its-kind event put on by the Family Services Society to prevent future abuse, 6News’ Tanya Spencer reported.

As offenders spoke candidly about the crimes that put them in jail, two of the panelists said they assaulted young girls they had just met. One abused his own daughter and another was a church mentor.

The offenders talked about how they justified their actions in their minds.  “I moan and gripe and complain about the children that are wearing pants that’s got “sexy” (written) on the back. Why do you want to put a word on your 12-, 14- or 16-year-old daughter’s butt? I mean, is that not trying to draw attention to her?” said one sex offender, who met his teenage victim online. He blamed pornography for fueling his addiction to sex.

All of the panelists agreed that they thought only of their own gratification during their crimes, never about the effect on their victims.  Parents came to the workshop looking for answers.  “(I want) to see how these folks operate and get insight to see where I can stand to protect my own children,” said Dwight Martin, a father of a 5-year-old.”  (I wanted) to make sure that I know what to look for to keep my kids safe,” said Brandy Martin, Dwight’s wife.”

I have three little children. I have a 4-year-old, a 1-year-old and a 3-month-old. That’s my worst fear ever is that something awful like that could happen to them,” said parent Sandrina Saintignon.

Counselors with the Family Services Society said unfortunately there’s no known set of characteristics or personality traits that will help parents identify an offender. They also said that 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by someone the victim knows and trusts.

The best advice from those who know best how to lure young victims is to talk to and listen to kids.  Let them know they’re loved unconditionally and that they can share anything with you.  Also, pay close attention to any change in their behavior.

“It (the sexual abuse) changed how she (his 13-year-old daughter) acted towards me,” said one offender, “So, if you see a change toward a family member or friend, pay attention to it. Ask questions.

“Experts said one in three girls and one in six boys will be molested in their lifetime.Experts also said 88 percent of sexual abuse cases are never reported.  The Family Services Society has done panels like Wednesday’s before for small groups, but this was the first that was open to the public.  Event organizers said they may offer more sessions in the future.

Need Legal Help? Ask a Lawyer for Free Coming Up Soon

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Here is another great opportunity to get some legal questions answered. For further questions, please visit the Indianapolis Bar Association’s website. (The information shows the year as 2010, so I have updated it with the new information below).

Do you need free legal help? You can meet with an attorney to ask basic legal questions at the Indianapolis Bar Association’s Ask A Lawyer event. Free legal advice will be provided by qualified, licensed attorneys as a service to our community. This one-day community event is sponsored by the Indianapolis Bar Association and the Indianapolis Bar Foundation, in cooperation with the Indianapolis-Marion County Public Library and Indianapolis Public Schools.

Upcoming Ask a Lawyer Dates

Tuesday, April 12, 2011, 2 p.m. – 6 p.m.

Members of the Indianapolis Bar Association will be available for FREE one-on-one consultations at the following locations:

Brightwood Library, 2435 N. Sherman Dr.

Central Library, 40 E. St. Clair St.

College Library, 4180 N. College Ave.

East 38th Street Library, 5420 E. 38th St.

East Washington Library, 2822 E. Washington St.

Haughville Library, 2121 W. Michigan St.

Nora Library, 8625 Guilford Ave.

Pike Library, 6525 Zionsville Rd.

Shelby Library, 2502 Shelby St.

Southport Library, 2630 E. Stop 11 Road

If you are unable to visit these locations, please call the Indianapolis Bar Association at (317) 269-2000 between 2 p.m. and 8 p.m., on April 12 to talk to an attorney.

Join the Mothers of Lost Children in Silent Vigil at the White House on Mothers Day

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UPDATE: New hours for the Vigil to be held on Mothers Day, May 8th, 2011.  There will be a speakout scheduled to start at 6:00 pm in front of the White House.  This will be followed by circling the White House, going down 17th St. over to Constitution Ave. then up 15th St. until we return to the front of the White House.  This will be what we did last year, but just continues the journey completely around the White House complex.  A candlelight vigil will then begin, being held until 9:30 pm.  Bring your signs, banners, and candles (battery operated if possible).  We will have a few to hand out, and will have some “Mothers of Lost Children” t-shirts also.  If you have any questions, please email “mothersoflostchildren@gmail.com”.   Contact phone number is (317) 455-5827.  This change will hopefully allow this vigil to happen without any problems.  So in summary:

6:00 – 7:00 pm  Speakout for the mothers/guests

7:00 – 7:45 pm   March by the Mothers of Lost Children around the White House (down 17th St., over on Constitution Ave., and up 15th St. to return to front of White House)

7:45 – 9:30 pm   Candlelight vigil for the children lost to abusers

A protest is still being worked out for the front of the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services for Monday, May 9th.  Stay tuned for more information coming on that.  Thank you and we hope to see you there!

Protest held on February 14th, 2011, at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, before they threatened to have us arrested.

We are going to be at the White House again on Mothers Day, to protest the use of taxpayer funds to support fatherhood initiative programs, which have been effective in helping abusive fathers in taking custody of children away from their victims.   Extra accommodations have been secured at the hostel we usually stay at for these events, which have been going on about three times a year, so if you can’t find a place to stay, email mothersoflostchildren@gmail.com about this.  This is a clean, safe place to stay and costs only $38.00 a night (breakfast included!).

Some of the organizations taking part and supporting the Silent Vigil include Mothers of Lost Children Chapters in California, Indiana and Delaware, the California Protective Parents Association, the Center for Judicial Excellence, the National Organization for Women, and the Battered Mothers Custody Conference. Many other organizations are also included.  If you cannot attend the event in Washington, D.C. on Mothers Day, something will be planned in Indiana that you can attend.  Other states will be holding similar events, and Ms. Hodge will be coordinating a lot of these as she has publicity contacts nationwide.

So stay tuned for more information…hope you can attend this year’s event!  Last year was very successful in many ways.  There were hundreds of mothers in vigil.  It needs to continue until the practice of giving abusers custody of children stops.

Mothers of Lost Children Silent Vigil from Mothers Day, 2010

Please Join Us For Another Rally in Washington D.C., February 13th and 14th

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Less than two weeks to go!  Remember, there is a meeting the evening of the 13th at the hostel where many are staying.  For information on the hostel…click here.

Mothers of Lost Children Blog Statistics for 2010

This is a new feature from WordPress, that tells how the website did over the past year.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2010. That’s about 29 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 20 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 114 posts. There were 6 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 919kb.

The busiest day of the year was July 30th with 662 views. The most popular post that day was Local “Stepfamily” Counselor Celebrates Baby’s Death.

 

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were alphainventions.com, en.wordpress.com, courierpress.com, mail.live.com, and search.aol.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for bond between mother and child, the bond between mother and child, torm howse, joseph warnock, and skinhead fights.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Local “Stepfamily” Counselor Celebrates Baby’s Death July 2009
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2

Domestic Violence Shelters In Indiana October 2008
1 comment

3

The Bond Between Mother and Child March 2009
3 comments

4

ATTENTION INDIANA: CPS Lets Two More Children Die, When Will Someone Do Something About Them? April 2010
8 comments

5

When Battered Women Lose Custody May 2009
11 comments

Written by mothersoflostchildren

January 17, 2011 at 7:05 am